A post - finally - long due

Its been a while since I blogged, oh yeah.....maybe more than a week now....not because there was nothing to say but then there was so many things taking up my time recently that I simply don't get to express myself as often as I wanted to.

Sigh.

But then life has been good.Its not difficult anymore, just plain normal again. Though I have my lonely moments I believe that normal. Sigh.

A few days back my ex texted me. Oh yeah. Men. I don't know what he actually wants....one sms led to another and last sekali he asked...

"So are you dating anyone?"

Hmmm.....i replied "Nope".

The sms's stopped there...till yesterday he sms back and said he missed me.

What the hell was that la kan? What does he expect to get out of it.

I took a deep breath, David Foster CD playing at the background with Deborah Cox and Cody Ker (hmmm, agaknye? can't seem to remember the guy's name now) singing "The Prayer"....

The song made me think....that maybe all the things that had happened did happen for a reason, and I should keep my mind on me....

We ask that life be kind, and watch us from above
We hope each soul will find another soul to love
Let this be our prayer, just like every child

Who needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

So I learn to ignore him. I am doing so much progress now with myself, he's not going to ruin it again.

Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe.

P/s : Watched the premiere of 2012 last night and it was awesome!!!! Must watch in cinema, coz the effects are superb!

Moving on to a new book....

I finally finished my final book from the InkHeart trilogy, InkDeath, yesterday and was glad that its finally over. Phewh...that's a very long and winding book...but to heck with it, I enjoyed every moment. I love the quotes in the beginning of each chapter, at times....it makes me wonder....

I started InkDeath last Raya but took it up only as a bed time reading material. I try nopt to exceed 10 pages per night because otherwise I won't sleep the whole night trying to rush to the ending. Sigh. So it took me about what....2 months...to get it over and done with.

Smile.

Now I can move on to my next new book....

*The Heretic's Daughter - acquired last month - story about the Salem witch trials at times when black magic is mocked and witches were burnt on stakes or hung*

Should be loads of fun.

Its written by Kathleen Kent based on her own ancestor, Martha Carrier, who was tried as a witch, found guilty and hung. It is said that to her dying breath, Martha neither confessed on being a witch nor plead for a lighter sentence.

It sounds just like the novel I have been waiting for.

I love witch stories as much as I love vampire novels ever since I read Anne Rice's "The Witching Hour". The drama is so intrigueing, the mystic air fascinating.

Lets see how long it takes for me to finish this one.

*wink wink*

Looking back....

...from the beginning of time,

in childhood, I thought

that pain meant

I was not loved.

It meant I loved.

-Louise Gluck, Ararat-

There are times when I can't help but reminisce and yet again, feel the stabbing pain in my heart while I cry a tearless cry deep down inside me....and at some point, I hated a lot of people for it. I hate myself. I hate him. I hate my grandmother. (yes, apa kes la tetiba my grandmother is suddenly part of this but that is much a different story to be told). At some point I wonder when will all the pain and hating will stop.

Will I ever find peace?

Shouldn't I have expected this in the first place?

Why am I so angry?

I am so blessed that I found at least a moment of peace with my yoga practice. Though not perfect in many ways, still the exercise is not only physical, but also of mental focus that brings me away from whatever pain I have inside me. The sadness, the anger, the hate....

Again, when will all this stop?

I am again blessed that yoga makes me patient. And calm. And I have friends who cared and understood me. It is so true that during times like this you get to know who you're friends are. I am again truly blessed that despite me shutting the whole wide world, there are some of them that slowly opens the window for me and showed me the light.

So why should I be angry and hateful again?

Why can't I realise the many good things I have with me and move forward?

I don't understand it till I found the quote from Louise Gluck. Then I realised....

I simply loved. And for that I hurt. In time as I let the love go, the hurt will go away.

Now I get it.

Now I just need more patience. and work on letting go.

Spotted - I Peeped and I'm Loving It

What's me and shopping these days? Apparently deep down inside me there's a shopping spree hunger that is yet to be relinquished, and God if i ever had the means I would have satisfied it personally at this exact time but then, so here I am, trying to curb it...so the only means I have now is online browsing....

Sigh.

*I know, sounds a tad sad, but what you can only see (and not buy) won't hurt you, kan?*

Not that I wont buy any of the things I found. I would surely wanna grab a thing or two...someday....till then, I am tagging their pages and sharing it with the whole world. So that when I do have the means, I will go back.

*Smile*

My latest find today is the Peep Boutique....

*Visit the site here*

Expect chic finds and gorgeous dresses, I especially love the boots (though I don't wear boots anymore...but sure, its really pretty) at great prices.

And guess what?

She's in OZ at the moment and expect more stuff soon. Oh I can't wait.....oh I can't wait....

And its back!!!!

Its making me feel so excited (dalam erti kata lain...sangat keterujaan) when I passed Starbucks last weekend and saw this...



I love Toffee Nut latte.

It remind me of xmas back at home with my family.

It remind me of those days when my Tito Manny will buy a cuppa for me every day till I leave manila just so that I can get the starbucks planner for xmas. Sigh.

I miss them all.

Sigh.

Izzy Getting More Comfy....

Lately Izzy was being more carefree and non-chalant at home, being more at ease as compared to her first 2 weeks at my house when she usually just run back to her crib everytime I take her out to the living room. These days she just loves to follow me around the house in the morning - regardless the countless times I actually stepped on her feet/body/head as she tries to outrun me. Sigh. Made of steel agaknya kucing ni, she seems to know nothing about pain.

*Unless aku hempuk kepala dia when she doesn't behave accordingly...like the time dia try lompat balcony tu. Sigh. Sape suruh bunuh diri kan. Tuhan marah okay*

Despite me feeling under the weather i still have to clean my house, so last weekend pagi-pagi I dah start vacuum and all...while Izzy had her own sweet time lounging on my bed.

*renungan tajam - apa tangkap-tangkap gambar??*

Best la ko ye tak payah kemas umah.

Sigh.

But then nasib baik Izzy takde la nak kacau I kemas ke apa kan. She just sit and stare at me. Bagus. nanti ada yang kena sedut masuk vacuum.

Hehehehehe.

I noticed that my cat and I shared a common interest....that is, we both love to watch movies and tv series. At times melampau jugak si Izzy ni, she will go all the way in front of the tv and sit there for hours watching tv, otherwise, most of the other time she is settled at the far end hand rest of my 3 seater sofa....

*Izzy's favourite spot. Kalau dia tak tengok tv kat sini sometimes she doze off here for no apparent purpose*

And nak tau what's the view from that spot.....

*strategic bukan???tak payah teleng-teleng kepala*

Pandai jugak kucing aku ni cari port.

Izzy loves chic flicks and girlie drama - like Gossip Girls and One Tree Hill - sebab she can stay up all night when I had those two on, but she couldn't care less about action flicks at first. Akan tetapi, sebab ikut tuan dia.....the cat finally grew to love "The Unit" as well. Hahahahahah! Macam mana aku tau dia suka? Sebab the first couple o0f episodes dia selalu lari-lari time the show is on, but after the second CD, dia pun melekat kat favourite spot dia tengok cerita tu sampai abis.

Teruk kan aku ni? Jadikan my cat TV series junkie. Hahahahah!

Bila sakit gigi semua mood hilang macam tu aje....

Dah lebih 4 hari...in which last Friday it was just a small thud (though rasa macam nak demam) then by Saturday, dah berdenyut denyut tahap dewa...sigh...so I have been on a permanent lockdown since Friday night - can't go out because of the pain, can't even eat like a normal human being because of the ulcer kat my lelangit (oh don't even let me start about that one) and the pain at both my lower wisdom tooth....aku rasa nak bunuh diri je....

Not that I am actually committing suicide....duh....

So semalam dah tak tahan sangat with the pain and I got a day off with loads of painkillers...yeehaaa...so that totals up 3 straight days of me getting more than 12 hours of sleep. Yeah. When I am in pain I snooze big time. Lepas tu just spend hours and hours in front of the tube watching "the Unit" and "one Tree Hill". Sigh. Macam loser je.

Sigh.

Nasib baik Izzy temankan. Dia pun tengok tv sama.

Good kitty.

On another note, Mrs Dot swing by my crib with her hubby and ayong to check out on Izzy. Apa, ko takut kucing aku depress ke? Haahahaha. Izzy was a bit shy at first, dok la menyorok belakang curtain, tapi Mrs Dot kan terror ngan kucing, within the hour Izzy dah berbaik-baik dan bersedia untuk berpaling tadah terhadap aku. Sigh. Lepas Mrs Dot balik Izzy throw tanthrum kejap, mula tarik-tarik wayar semua, abis antenna aku terjatuh....so.....

....I locked her up the rest of the night. The kitty kat got grounded!

Itula, lupa diri. Tak behave. Kena lockdown.

Yeah, mak agak kejam mendisiplinkan kucing di situ.

Lepas kena grounded for a night terus dia behave balik.

Bagus.

Sigh.

Bila la nak the end of the day ni? I wanna go home, and sleep.

Spotted - Deliciously Chic Online Boutique!

The day started off pretty bad - late morning , left my ID tag (unknown and unseen), stuck in a jam...the whole schbang - and was I in a bad mood when I finally had a sip of coffee in my system and start browing the world wide web for bits of candy to light my day when I found this site...

*Founded via bagskaki.blogspot.com - to visit dorfbury click here*

What makes me ecastatic?

When bagskaki says she has pretty good taste, I have to say that is an understatement. Dorfsbury has excellent taste, and I love the chic dresses they are carrying I wish I can fit in them.

Perhaps I could? All this while I was at UK size 14,but with all the exercise lately I noticed some parts of my body had toned up a bit....maybe just maybe I could fit one dress size down now....hmm....maybe I should start trying sizes in stores just to make sure?

What makes it (even) better is that the price is so affordable, I am salivating as I scroll down the entries.

Hmmm...define affordable you say?

How does below RM100 sound? Uhuh.....there's even below RM60.....

Oh yeah.

*smile*

Now I have a new joint to get more chic dresses - apart from my existing loot!

Sigh.

The day doesn't feel that bad anymore.